Thinking about thinking about moving on

It's nearing the end of the semester. We're graduating at the end of May! It seems phenomenal to me that the end of our seminary studies is approaching so quickly. I have so much more to learn! I have more questions to ask! We do have coursework to complete over the summer, though, so we will be able to pack a little bit more in 'under the wire' before we move on from here. But that date is fast approaching. And what's happening after that point is at yet unknown.

I find it an exercise in trust - day after day - to be confident that there will be a good life for us after the summer. That a position will open up for us, that we will have a good place to live again, we'll make new friends, that we'll have rich and fulfilling work... it's so much easier to trust when there's something definite in place. Which kind of defeats the purpose of faith, doesn't it?

I'm also noticing that I'm starting to 'shut down' in some ways emotionally and socially in this place already. It's a defense mechanism I have - if I start shutting down now, it might not hurt so much later to say good-bye. So I invite fewer people over, go home earlier, get less emotionally involved in a conversation or committee... and I make fewer social plans. Do you know what I mean?

It's not a good plan, really. We're still here for four more months! I need these people! I have a good life here!

So.... I need to be intentional about living in the present. The present is good. The present is accessible. And the present has many gifts to offer; I need not put all my well-being into the future.